September 1st. Friday
Where to begin. I think I gave you all the details last week. Developments in the Ella department. Something happened.
I think I’m blowing it out of proportion, with the relative experiential desert that is my history with romance. We kissed. A few times. It was desperate and fleeting and wonderful. We were tempted to leave our lives behind and run away and be together in the wet and wild forests of Vermont.
We basically just hung out a lot more and things just started to happen. We’d be up until 3 or 4 in the morning in the music building practice rooms, learning music we could play together. She was leaving Thursday. I think it happened Wednesday night/Thursday morning, hours after I told my boss (in my weekly meeting about how I was faring) that I was definitely 100% not pursuing Ella romantically. We were lying on the music hall stage, next to the massive Great-Grand piano (one of the long boys). It was cold outside and I had brought along a blanket to wear instead of a jacket. I had spread it out on the floor and we were rolled up in it, staring at the ceiling. I don’t even remember what way I was facing or whether my eyes were open when she kissed me. I was a bit startled at first. But she kissed me.
I had a class at 1:30 on the last day. For the past few days, while Ella was staying with me, I had been waking up for breakfast, eating real quick, and then hopping back in bed with her. Today, I didn’t get breakfast. I barely got lunch. It was hard to leave, even when I finally did at like 12:45.
We went our separate ways. I had class until dinner and she had to say goodbye to other friends. She was leaving later that day. I had told her to catch me at dinner before she left. My first classes of the semester were fine. They went right up until dinner. She didn’t tell me exactly when she was going to leave, but we found each other in the dining hall.
Ella and I are very alike. We both found something at school that we didn’t have at home. We grew in ways that couldn’t be nurtured at home. I never hug people when I’m in Wisconsin. Physical contact is much more free in liberal, woodsy Vermont, and that was something I missed a lot over the summer. We both came back to this place that we love and have grown into. I’m going to be here for a while longer, but she had to leave yesterday. I think that factored into what happened between us.