August 19th. Saturday
Back. I am back. I am back at school. I’m just having a hard time wrapping my head around this.
I’ve waited for two and a half months to be back a school. It’s surreal being back.
After setting up my room, I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t think I’d be done so fast. I was hanging out with another RA friend at some point and I remember wanting to have some sort of movie night with the whole team. But fifteen minutes later I just wanted to curl up into a ball in my room. I’ve been rationing my remaining pills, and maybe since I’m ingesting less of this stuff, I’m going through withdrawal. Or maybe being back, in such a different environment, around people again, has my jimmies thoroughly rustled. I ended up watching a movie in my room alone. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I often find it hard to get lost in fantasy movies. usually The plots are usually too farfetched and the characters too simple. But for some reason, this one hit me hard. I think my emotions are running wilder than they usually are. I’m usually pretty contained. And cynical…
I find every discrepancy (perceived or measurable) from the behavior of my past self extremely alarming. I don’t know how to handle it.