Chunks – Week 20

July 26th. Wednesday

Since starting 80mg/day, my nose has been much bloodier than it’s ever been. I don’t get Bloody Noses. All the blood stays in my nose. This usually involves me having to dig it out in the shower so that I can go on breathing for the rest of the day. Every time I wipe my nose, there’s blood. Maybe it’s because I’m working in a factory and there’s a lot of dust floating around, but my nose has been feeling particularly clogged as of late. I have to make trips to the bathroom during work to clear it out and it hurts a lot of the time. The blood often dries and sticks to the inside of my nose. Altogether, I wouldn’t recommend it.

Work’s going. The novelty has definitely worn off and I’m in that comfortable, I-want-to-die place that most labor jobs land you in. I like the people at this job more than the ones in the other factory. Even so, I’m dying to be done. I only have two weeks left.

Check-in in 20 days.

The red spot is still there.

Standards – Week 19

July 24th. Monday

I felt totally like myself today. I kinda forgot that I was supposed to be mentally impaired, so I wasn’t. It might also have something to do with my dosage. Maybe I’m just imagining that last part because it’s the same brand. I haven’t ever heard of a medicine that hurts less as you take more of it. I might also just be healing from the breakneck pace of school.

Home sucks hard. I can’t get out of the house. Summer is supposed to the fun part of the year, but I had a lot more people to spend time with and freedom during the school year. That’s pretty sad, because I was hella busy at school. We don’t have cars to spare and we live pretty far from my friends’ houses. Also, I’m expected to spend a lot of time at home and subscribe to the household meal schedule. So I’m largely trapped at home.  When I say that home is awful, this is what I mean by that. It’s such a simple thing, not having people to spend time with. But it doesn’t stop sucking.

I realized this only halfway through my shift, but I rolled out of bed this morning without even looking at myself. I work first shift, so I wake up at 4:15am and rush out the door to get to work in time. This might play a part in my morning complexion apathy, but this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. I don’t have clean skin, but it’s gotten so much better that I feel like I have clear skin. My standard as changed, so I’m still getting familiar with what bad and good are. It all just looks good to me because I’m used to it being much worse.

Work – Week 18

July 18th. Tuesday

I worked my body hard today. Work itself is

I’m working my body to the breaking point. For work, I have to carry big hunks of metal around and push carts loaded with aforementioned hunks of metal from one part of the factory floor to another, which is pretty physical. I’m also doing it in a warm environment. I drank about eight cups of water during my shift today…  I’m also working out. The workout attitude I adopted when I was working out with my buddy earlier in the school year was that it should be ugly. You should barely be able to do your last set. Needless to say, I’m exhausted by the time I get home. I’m not even fully recovered from whatever I came down with last Friday. I’m giving life more than I have in me to give right now. It feels good, and I don’t know if overexertion is a problem when you’re taking Accutane. I’ll ask next frikin Tuesday when I have my check-in.

I’m not even fully recovered from whatever I came down with last Friday. I’m giving life more than I have to give right now. It actually feels good, and I don’t know if overexertion is a problem when you’re taking Accutane. I’ll ask next frikin Tuesday when I have my check-in.

I got a fresh one on my cheek (face) today. I was just thinking yesterday how I should write about how it had been ages since I had gotten a pustule on my cheek. Forehead is going strong, but my cheeks have stopped. So much for progress.

I’m actually not that bummed about it. It’s honestly a bit strange how novel breakouts have become. I still very clearly have acne, but it’s so much better than it was. The fact that I know Accutane is working and that my acne will get better makes breakouts seem almost cute. I’ve waited months, and before that, years. Finally something is working and that knowledge makes new acne so much easier to deal with.

Part of me is thinking that I’ve had these past two breakouts because I haven’t been able to take the medicine as frequently. But that has to be false because Accutane doesn’t work that fast (which must mean it doesn’t un-work that fast either?)



Check-in 3 – Week 17

June 11th. Tuesday

3rd check-in today. Three check-ins in well on five months. I’m special.

For some reason, I had it in my head that the dermatologist would tell me I was almost done. I feel almost done. But when she asked her nurse how many mg/kg I had, she said 66. Which means I’m just over HALF WAY. WHICH MAKES PERFECT SENSE BUT I THOUGHT I’D BE DONE BEFORE SCHOOL STARTED. The reason I started at spring break of last semester was that I thought treatment would take about six months, meaning that I’d be done before the 2017 fall semester. But no. Piss.

I also learned that 120mg/kg is the lower threshold… Which might mean that I have quite a ways to go yet. Which. I don’t even what to think about right now. She DID say that she might have me go up a dosage, which I am totally game for. That might make things faster. I’m at 66mg/kg. I’ve taken two months of 40mg/day (total of 2,400mg) and one of 60 (1,800). My total dosage (120mg x ~63kg) is 7560. I’m at 4,200mg/kg, and 4,200/7,560*120(to get get back to mg) is indeed 66mg. I’m being prescribed another 60mg/day (+1,800), which will land me at 95mg/kg

I’ve been wondering whether working out is actually healthy when you’re on Accutane. I know that check-ins exist to answer these sorts of questions, but I never remember to ask. Today, however, I did. I told her that I was working out and she said that was fine. The subject came up when she asked whether I had been feeling any soreness in my joints. Now that I think about it, I totally have. Beyond just recently, where most of my bodily pain can be attributed to work or working out, my knees/legs get suuuuuper sore when I’m sitting down. That never used to happen. Also a few other places besides.



Bed Head – Week 16

July 3rd. Monday

My third check-in was supposed to be this Wednesday, but I only remembered last week that I now have a job. Well, more directly that my shift time conflicts with the appointment time I scheduled back in May. The earliest I could reschedule was this coming Tuesday (eight days from today). My appointment was just a bit past my supply of medicine, so I’ve been rationing (down from 60mg to 30mg a day). I still have a few pills from the month before, but I ate one today, meaning I have two pills to get me to next Tuesday. For some reason, it hasn’t occurred to me that I can schedule my check-in closer to when I can pick up my next month of medication…

It’s fine. I’m fine. Accutane stays in your system for a while. Why am I really stressed out about this?

I have a new breakout when I work up this morning. Three angry lookin’ dudes on my forehead. I’m at the point in my course where I can write about specific breakouts and it actually means something. Before, I broke out too often for it to be noteworthy. Now, every one is its own special snowflake.

This one was intense though. I liked my forehead how it was. But it was altogether a pretty manageable incident.

I got really sick on Friday, all of a sudden. I inhaled a lot of spray paint at work and that made my throat feel all rough and gross. I thought it would go away when I got home, but I got a runny nose and some other cold symptoms by then. Saturday was the worst of it, and while I felt better on Sunday, I could tell that I definitely had a fever.

I remember when I used to get sick and stay in bed all day, or really anytime I would spend a lot of time with my face against anything, I’d break out where my face had extensively been exposed to that anything. Sometimes, a spot on my face would just be itchy and I’d keep touching/scratching it and it would turn into a pimple. Maybe that’s what the forehead breakout was about, but I don’t think so. I always sleep on my side and that part of my face rarely touched anything. What I’m trying to say is that, this time around, I don’t think my extensive pillow-to-kisser time had a huge impact on the clarity of my skin. Which is a nice change. 🙂