May 30th. Tuesday
I did it. For a lot of reasons. Who knows if they were the right ones.
Being back home was good for like two days. Past those two days, it’s been awful. Home is not a place where I can be who I am, nor is it a place where I can interact with people the way I want to. I can’t have a girlfriend at home. Which makes having a girlfriend while at home really painful. It doesn’t feel like a relationship when all you have is text, and Skype when you’re allowed out of the house once a week.
And in the times we do get to communicate, I’m so emotionally desolate, being isolated from people so regularly and on Accutane, that I’m barely able to hold anything other than a simple pleasant conversation. Emotions are strange and fuzzy and do not like to be known. I feel so much less empathetically capable. I can’t get too far out of my own head to relate to others at the moment, and that’s just a little bit important in a relationship.
Also, Anna’s not coming back next semester.
This is not the right time for me to be in a relationship. Candidly, I knew this weeks ago, when I decided to get involved with Anna. I knew that being on medication was something would get in the way of an emotionally prosperous. And I’m not saying that you can’t still get involved with someone when you’re in this sort of situation… I just didn’t set up expectations properly. But I need this to be done.