Mind Games – Week 3

April 2nd. Sunday

It’s worth saying that I am not the epitome of mental fortitude. I am by no means burdened by mental illness to the extent that many of my friends and acquaintances are, nor have I ever been on any medication for mental health. However, I am generally an anxious person. I tend to think about situations too much. I think about conversations I’ll have with friends hours in advance. I’ll extensively speculate how people will react to the things I tell them, usually to my detriment. However, I still get by just fine. My anxiety never causes me to miss classes or gets in the way of my social life in any huge way.

However, Accutane is messing with me. I have little doubt of that. At the same time, I know that due to my anxiety, I’m looking for anything and everything that seems uncharacteristic of me. Any of my own behavior that seems off I immediately attribute to Accutane. These two forces combined, I think, are really wearing on me. I feel much less collected than I did before spring break. I spent so much time before break just on my own, but not in a lonely way. As I said before, I’m an RA, and I’m very involved in the campus community. Thus, I have to be intentional about making time to decompress, and I found a really good balance between breakneck participation and finding myself before break and that’s long gone.

And still no major improvement. It might be worth it if I had anything to show for. I haven’t had any huge pimples in a while, which I’m thankful for, but those seemed to come and go anyways, so I’m not honestly sure if it’s measurable progress.


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