March 13th. Monday
Dermatologist appointment today. We had a chat. I gave them all the old one-two, verbally.
I basically told the nurse lady that my previous prescription, 100mg of minocycline/twice a day wasn’t doin’ jack shirt. Neither was the Aczone. This was my second time on minocycline, though I had been put on 50mg before (and had coincidentally paid 10 times as much for the medicine. Thanks (insert least favorite president here)).
My dermatologist recommended I try another tetracycline for a while and see what happened, but I highly doubted it would do anything the first two medications couldn’t. She told me that 100mg is the highest dosage they ever prescribe for patients, so I just didn’t see the use.
This naturally led her to broach the subject of Accutane, which is, of course, why I had come to her in the first place. I played it smoother than a fresh jar of Skippy and acted like I had no idea what Accutane was. But I knew. She talked about how Accutane was the kind of medication that could really get your jimmies rustled. More than just headaches and dizziness. This stuff could put some serious hurt on you. We’re talking depression, aggravated suicidal ideation, hair loss, vision and hearing impairment, and some other voodoo things. Also, you were almost guaranteed six months of dry lips and bloody noses.
So naturally I told her to sign me up. Tell the children I haven’t had yet that I love them.
I’ve had acne for 7 years, and I’m just tired of having this extra layer of nonsense to care about, feel ashamed of, spend time fighting, and allocate energy towards. Other people can just roll out of bed and get on with their lives while I have to look at myself in the mirror and be like, “nah, that isn’t going to do. I have to pop/treat/cover/moisturize that and then just come to terms with the fact that it’s not going to get any better.” I’m not saying I want to show up to my classes all smelly and bed-headed. But I want to be able to roll out of bed and not worry that there’s something on my face that’s going to take attention away from who I am and what I bring to the world. That is something I want so much.
I’ll let you know how it goes.